Practicum Reflection

I found my Practicum Reflection when rummaging through my undergraduate assignment papers.

The assignment asked us to: "Write a reflective report based on an issue/experience that [we] have encountered during practicum".

We were told to be honest in our report. There's no need write "academically" (i.e. an essay littered with citations). We were just expected to share our most meaningful experience.

I chose to write about 2 Cekal.

Reading the report reminded me of all the trials and tribulations of a practicum teacher.

It also reminded me of why I want to be a teacher in the first place.

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Teaching was not a last-resort choice for me. I really thought that I would make a good teacher; I love working with children/adolescents, and I love the idea of making a positive impact on someone else's life. I was inspired to be a teacher by my former English Language teacher: Ms. Suhaila Hani. She made English lessons so interesting and enjoyable. Further, she was also approachable and likable. I guess my teaching style is greatly influenced by her.

Having had this natural enthusiasm for teaching, I thought practicum would be a breeze. There were reports that the school we were going to is "tough". Pn. N, a teacher from the school, even told us to "prepare for the worst". I was a bit alarmed by the news but my optimism was still undiminished. Surely, I would be able to win the students over.

On my first day, I only met 2 Amal. They were not a difficult crowd to handle. They were willing participants and made me feel welcome. My fears were assuaged. But my first meeting with 2 Cekal was another story altogether. The class was extremely chaotic. I failed to control the class; the students would not keep still in their seat and were extremely noisy. I had trouble making myself heard and the lesson was basically a disaster. Further, the students could not understand what I was saying. One student remarked after some time had passed: "Cikgu cakap apa? Kami tak faham la". So, besides disciplinary problems, I also had to contend with teaching low-proficiency students.

Pn. M, my cooperating teacher, told me to be very strict with 2 Cekal ("jangan bagi muka pun"). She said that I had to look fierce when entering the class. I wanted to heed Pn. M's advice but it was hard to change one's personality completely. I am not naturally a terrifying person and to have to project that image was quite impossible.

Not everyone in the class was problematic. The majority were rather cooperative. But due to the misbehaviours of a few, the whole learning process was disrupted. The troublemakers were the boys sitting at the back. These boys often exhibited disruptive and off-task behaviours in class. They talked loudly, tossed objects, exchanged verbal insults, dawdled, walked around the classroom, defaced the school's desks, were tardy to class, displayed overt disinterest in learning, and demonstrated chronic avoidance of work. Each lesson was like a battlefield that left me feeling spent by the end of the lesson.


My failure to control the class made me feel that I am not cut out to be a teacher. My supervisor told me that I was patient and that this was a good quality for a beginning teacher. However, I feel that my temperament is not suited for this profession. Since I could not control the class, little learning could take place. I feel that I have let my students down. I read a journal where researchers interviewed several teachers to find out what they think about their role in inculcating values. One teacher said that he did not think himself as a "proper" teacher. When asked why he thought so, he replied, "I don't know, but I can remember when I first started teaching at school, there were solemn rebukes that did the job. Nobody is frightened of me. I feel that you have got to have a few missiles to carry around to be a proper teacher and I haven't got any". That reply pretty much sums up what I am feeling myself.

Besides feelings of inadequacies, I also suffered from stress and demotivation. Preparing good lesson plans and their worksheets on a daily basis was extremely stressful. There were so many factors to consider: whether the topic is interesting, the level is right, and whether or not it is achievable in the given time. When you put in so much effort, you could not help but feel demotivated when students did not reciprocate. Their indifference/resistance to learning made me just want to throw in the towel. I caught myself thinking "why bother?" a few times when I was in the midst of preparing lessons. I knew that they would not appreciate it - that a few students would not even care to attempt the exercises that I had prepared.


Talking to my fellow practicum-mates really helped me persevere. We often shared our problems and helped each other with suggestions and encouragements. Since I could not be severe and as authoritative as the situation demanded, I had implemented other strategies to tackle the problems with 2 Cekal.

I tried not to be judgemental. Being judgemental only propagates the vicious cycle: When teachers EXPECT difficult behaviour from problematic students, the students will likely to respond as such.

My strategies worked to a certain extent. I managed to reach out to some students. One student in particular, used to do other homework during my lesson. She would quickly hide her books when I came to check on her. But she later, she turned into one of my most hardworking students. She would complete all the exercises I gave and often asked for clarifications. Most of the girls showed similar improvement.


The boys' improvement was not so significant. Those seated in front were quite conscientious in doing their work. Not so for the boys seated at the back. They still created disruptions though they grew more respectful of me. They became more compliant when I asked them to keep quiet. When my supervisor observed me with 2 Cekal for the first time, they were relatively quiet. They sat still in their seat and did their work. But when I checked each group, turned out most of them did not understand my instructions. They were just pretending to do the work! I was touched by their actions. They were giving me their "cooperation" without me asking.

Towards the end of practicum, I still struggled to teach 2 Cekal. Some students still caused me a lot of grief. Hz, in particular, liked to talk back to me. But I could now handle such misbehaviours better. The other boys were still as playful as ever. They still dawdled and tried to avoid doing any work, but they were not disrespectful to me. The students' behaviour could be best described as being inconsistent. Just when I thought I had gotten through to them, they relapsed to their former selves. Aq, for example, began to show improvement by doing and submitting his work. But that did not last long. He was too easily influenced and distracted by his immediate friends. The class was relatively quiet during my supervisor's first visit. But during the second time round, the students showed their true colours and this shocked my supervisor. My supervisor told me afterwards that she had to restraint herself from coming to the front and give the class a proper "shelling". Then, during my final observation, they gave their cooperation by being relatively quiet once again. Their inconsistencies mystified me but some improvements (albeit temporary) are better than none I suppose.

2 Cekal has taught me a lot about teaching. I no longer have the romantic notion of the profession. That does not mean that I no longer love teaching - I do - but I am no longer naive about it. The five years of academic training have not prepared me for the realities of teaching. I realise that I have to be firmer and more authoritative (something that I am still working on). I also realise that I need to possess a certain degree of emotional detachment. I should not let students' rudeness or misbehaviours affect me greatly - I need to show more composure. I also think that the teacher training programme should do more to prepare students to deal with problematic students. I feel that the bulk of my training has been geared towards teaching the highly-motivated, intelligent, "ideal" students and not the "real" students one finds in actual classrooms.

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All the best to my cohort 4 juniors who are undergoing their practicum now. The next 12 weeks are going to be very very emotionally & physically draining. But it will all be worth it in the end.

:)

Universal Plan of Allah

Ever been in a difficult situation? a confused state? Ever been anxious about something and suddenly when you read the Quran- bang! The answer hit you right in the eye?

I'm sure many of you have experienced it. My latest of such moments came a few days ago. I read Surah Al-Qasas the night of the Mavi Marmara attack. Feeling utterly incensed about the whole thing, I read the Quran to calm myself down. The Surah tells of how Musa's mother was inspired to cast him into the river and how he came to be adopted by Pharaoh.

[Verse 9] The wife of Pharaoh said: "(Here is) a joy of the eye, for me and for thee. Slay him not. It may be that he will be of use to us, or we may adopt him as a son." And they perceived not (what they were doing)!

The footnote (Abdullah Yusuf Ali translation) which accompanied this verse explains: In all life Providence so orders things that Evil is defeated by its own weapon. Not only is it defeated, but it actually, though unwittingly, advances the cause of Good! In non-religious language this is called the work of Ironic Fates... or as we should prefer to call it, the working Universal Plan of Allah.

I doubt then that any good could come out of this tragic event. But the verse gave me hope nonetheless.

Then, tonight, I read a recount of the Malaysian LL4G activists' experience. Certain excerpts from the recount reminded me of the verse above and strengthen my faith in Allah's Universal Plan:

1) [During Q&A session] Soalan 3: Setelah gagalnya misi kita kali ini, apakah ada misi akan datang akan berjaya? Atau hanya akan menerima nasib yang sebegini? Atau mungkin akan ubah taktik penghantaran?

Pada Encik Muhammad Nizam, misi LL4G tidak pernah gagal. Mungkin dari segi misi hendak memberikan bantuan barangan mungkin belum tercapai. Tetapi bantuan ke Gaza akan sampai juga dalam bentuk-bentuk yang lain. Hakikatnya, mereka telah mendapat kejayaan yang besar, kerana daripada persitiwa inilah dunia telah tersentak dengan hebatnya. Hakikatnya, kesyahidan itu adalah bayaran untuk kesedaran dunia.

2) Berkenaan soalan jika perkara ini berlaku di perairan Gaza pula, Ustaz Jamaluddin menyatakan bahawa, rancangan asal mereka adalah mereka akan berhenti di sempadan. Kalau tak dibenarkan, mereka akan duduk di sempadan perairan Gaza selama mana bekalan makanan bertahan. Sekiranya habis makanan, bantuan makanan akan diatur untuk datang agar mereka boleh terus menunjukkan protes. Mereka hakikatnya tidak tahu berapa bulan hendak berada di atas laut. Tetapi penyusunan Allah itu sangat baik dan cantik. Allah susun mereka diserang, dan ia nampaknya lebih membuka mata dunia dari rancangan asal. Hakikatnya, mereka tidak akan merentasi sempadan Gaza tanpa kebenaran agar tidak ada konsikuensi yang buruk.

3) Sempat Dr Syed Muhammad Halim menceritakan keadaan apabila konvoi diserang oleh tentera Israel. Hakikatnya, Mavi Marmara adalah yang terakhir ditawan. Jika benar Israel hendak bertindak, maka sepatutnya amaran diberikan terlebih dahulu. Atau sekadar menarik Kapal Mavi Marmara untuk diberikan hukuman. Tetapi mereka nampaknya telah tergesa-gesa dengan melakukan tindakan menyerang. Itulah susunan Allah yang cantik. Akhirnya kecaman diberikan oleh seluruh dunia. Syahid, dibayar oleh Allah dalam keadaan yang cantik sekali.

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Cantik sungguh percaturan Allah...

Do read the the full account and pay extra attention to the Conclusion!

Flotilla

Can't sleep after following the news about the flotilla.

Feeling outrage about the whole thing. Thing is, though the whole world is condemning the attack, I have a sickening feeling that Israel will get away with it. They managed to do so with the 08/09 war on Gaza (and other atrocities), didn't they?

As put forward by an Al-Jazeera blogger, will the international community actually do something now instead of the usual "empty indignation and paralysed condemnations"?

The following responses are compiled from Twitter. They mirrored what I feel but couldn't quite express:

-Its not about being Jewish, Christian or Muslim! It's about humanity! Protest Israel!

-Why is the United States so quiet today? Where is Mr. Nobel peace prize winner?

-I'm sorry, but if you rappel onto someone's ship from a helicopter, nothing you subsequently do can be called "self defense"

-Killing aid workers in 'self defense'? Really Israel? Today the world sees you for what you really are.

-"your blood reached the shores of Gaza before your aid"

-If this is what Israel does while the world is watching, what have they done while our backs were turned?

-The world awaits Obama's response to Israel's provocation. Hello?

-If you let someone get away with murder every time, you can't act surprised when it kills again.

-What Would Happen If Iran Attacked an Aid Flotilla, Like Israel?

The last tweet was spot on. This was what came out from the White House and the EU:

"The President expressed deep regret at the loss of life in today's incident, and concern for the wounded, many of whom are being treated in Israeli hospitals. The President also expressed the importance of learning all the facts and circumstances around this morning's tragic events as soon as possible."

"The EU strongly condemns any acts of violence and deplores any excessive use of force. In this regard, on behalf of the EU, the High Representative is requesting a full immediate enquiry by the Israeli authorities."

Such hypocrisy!

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After reading all the outpourings of rage, I was soothed by these words by Ismail Haniyya: "We say to those heroes that the essence of your honourable blood has reached us before the aids you are carrying to us. We salute everyone on board the Freedom ships."

Let us pray for the safety of all the flotilla activists...

Anak Murid Idaman Cikgu

Last Monday was the second time I celebrated Teachers' Day.

While World Teachers' Day falls on Oct 5 every year, Malaysia's Hari Guru falls on May 16. According to Wikipedia, May 16 was chosen as the Penyata Razak was endorsed on that day in the year 1956. As we all know, the Razak Report "became the basis of education in Malaysia ever since".

Teachers' Day always makes me feel glad to be a teacher. It's not just about the presents (though I like receiving them... hehe). It's the little, little things that make you feel appreciated.

For examples:

1) J surprised me with a bouquet of white roses very early on in the morning. He asked to make sure, "Saya orang pertama yg bagi hadiah kat Teacher ke?"

2) Students wishing you "Happy Teachers' Day" with their bright smiles and gave you hugs and kisses.

3) The students put up wonderful performances for their teachers. My favourite performance had to be the Dikir Barat. The slightly mad "Enjit-enjit Semut" was a close second. I knew the students put in a lot of effort practising for the performances. That made us teachers feel celebrated and special :)

4) Dakshan & Paul played me a song with their ukulele. Sgt comel.

5) Received a very personalized gift from R. A lot of thought went into it so I love it a lot!

6) I also received Happy Mothers' Day wishes. The sweetest SMS came from Atiqah:

"Teacher,atiqah's here,i just want to say happy mothers day to u!i know sounds strange right?but u're like our real mther..the way u teach us!mmg mcm our mther,even though,u x kawen lg,hahah!thanks for everythng!sorry because im not a good studnt in your clss!!i love u!"

One student even combined the two celebrations together and wished me: Selamat Hari GuruIbu!"

7) Four days after the celebration, D said, "Teacher tak pakai pun lagi tudung yang saya bagi" *Err...*

8) Another teacher told me this: A student of hers came to see her to wish Happy Teachers' Day. He said something like, "Saya doakan Cikgu diberkati Allah selalu. Cikgu tolong doakan kejayaan saya. Terima kasih atas segala pengorbanan Cikgu"

His heartfelt wish made her cry along with 2 other teachers who were in the staff room, listening. Her story made me teary-eyed as well.

I remembered H asking me a few days before Teachers' Day, "Cikgu cakap je nak APA, nak BERAPA?"

I replied, "I don't mind. Surprise me".

Now (and though this sounds cheesy) I would have replied, "Your prayers would have sufficed".

This year's celebration also reminded me of the following poem. It's written by my beloved former principal, Dr. Fatanah Mohamed. She read out the poem during the 2001 Teachers' Day celebration (if I'm not mistaken) at MRSM Jasin. I was a fourth-former then. The poem was later published the the school's mag.

Being a teacher has made me appreciate the poem's content better. Hopefully, my students would aspire to be such an Anak Murid.

Anak Murid Idaman Cikgu

(Aspek Minda)
Mindanya positif tidak bercelaru
cerdas otaknya, tidak mudah ditipu,
bersinar matanya mendengar kuliah guru
tidak hanyut atau layu
baik dan buruk dia tahu
membaca bahan bernilai ilmu,
menuntut ilmu tiada jemu
mempunyai wawasan
memikirkan masa depan
mindanya aktif, luas fikiran.

(Aspek Jasmani/Fizikal)
Anak didik idaman cikgu menjaga kesihatan diri
sihat jasmaninya bersarapan pagi
membuat senaman setiap hari -
berjalan, berjogging serta berlari,
memilih makanan dan minuman
rokok, air bergas dijauhkan,
atau apa saja yang menjejaskan kesihatan
asrama dan kelas dijaga kebersihan
tidak membuang sampah merata-rata
menjaga kebersihan alam sekitar kita

(Aspek Rohani)
Hidup bersemangat, percaya, reda pada Allah
berjiwa besar, tidak mudah mengaku kalah
bertanggungjawab, kerja sungguh-sungguh
segalanya beres tak pernah bertangguh
jujur dan sentiasa benar pada kata-kata
sentiasa mempamerkan akhlak mulia
tidak haloba tiada buruk sangka

(Aspek Emosi)
Jiwanya besar, berbudi bahasa
berasa dirinya berharga,
kebolehan diri dia percaya
potensi dirinya tidak dipersia,
yakin diri, berpaksikan agama,
tenang, sabar, tidak putus asa
dia berusaha dan terus mencuba.
Mematuhi perintah, tabah, berfikiran terbuka,
barlapang dada, suka bekerjasama
sentiasa berazam memperbaiki diri
stabil emosi, unggul peribadi,
tidak bersedih dengan kekurangan sendiri.

(Aspek Sosial)
Hati yang lain tidak disakiti
benar ucapan dan memenuhi janji
bersopan santun, tidak mengutuk, tidak memaki
tidak menghasut, tidak membenci
manis wajahnya riang berseri
tiada hasad tiada dengki,
mengasihi dan murkai kerana Ilahi
ibu bapa, guru, dan rakan dihormati dan disayangi,
menjaga maruah dan harga diri.
Pemaaf, bertimbang rasa, luhur hati dan budi.
memberi pertolongan dan berbesar hati.
Tidak membiar rakan hidup susah dan sepi
mendahulukan orang lain daripada kepentingan sendiri,
tanpa menjejaskan kesejahteraan diri.

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HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY TO ALL THE AMAZING EDUCATIONAL ARTISTS OUT THERE!! :)

Oral C

I did this lesson in class and had so much fun!

1) Ask the students to bring a self-care product to class (toothbrush/toothpaste/deoderant/lip balm/talcum powder/hair gel/facial wash/etc).

2) Get the students to be in groups of 4-6.

3) Get them to be advertising executives for the day. They have to come up with a print advertisement and a TV commercial their self-care product.

4) The print ad is to be done on an A4-size paper while the TV ad is to be acted in front of the whole class.

The students came up with hilarious commercials. I never laughed so hard in a class before. The funniest bits had to be when they whipped out their products energetically. "Try this!" they would say, while flashing their megawatt smiles...

The students presented 7 products. They were:
-Joey Orange's sunscreen
-Dona' deoderant
-Parfum's perfume
-Oral C toothbrush
-The Intense Mascara
-Safi's deoderant
-Slim Mood Slimming Solution

The funniest ad had to be Oral C's. The group (Fahmi, Adam, Hazwan & Azfar) did a parody of the Colgate's commercials.

Like the original commercials, a representative of the company stopped a random person from the street and asked, "Do you know that bacteria is building up in your mouth?"

Though the respondent was doubtful of the said build-up, he agreed to have his mouth scanned.

In the Colgate's ads, the respondents would be shocked by the scanned images. "But I brushed my teeth this morning", they would say.

But in Oral C's version, the interviewer was the one shocked. Adam exaggerated his horror at having seen the "bacteria" in his respondent's mouth.

"OMG sir, how often do you brush your teeth?!"

After further admonitions, he suggested Fahmi use Oral C. Adam continued to explain the toothbrush's qualities. He then stated the most important thing:

"Sir, this toothbrush is HALAL"

Right on cue, Azfar & Hazwan came into the class with songkoks, looking very important.

"We're from JAKIM", they introduced themselves and proceeded to inspect the toothbrush.

They nodded their heads and made approving sounds while examining the product.

"This is a very good product", Hazwan put his stamp of approval on it.

"Yes, this is HALAL. HALAL!!", Azfar concurs.

-----THE END-----

I had so much fun during that lesson. Such teaching moments do not come often but when they do; they are priceless!!

I also observed that not all students are game enough to do presentations. Of course, there will be shy students in your class but, they too, can participate in such group works if the class is "nice".

If the class provides a safe learning environment, then students do not have to worry about expressing themselves, taking risks, being goofy, etc.

But if the class is not so accommodating, students will be reluctant to do any of these things for the fear of being laughed at.

So, I guess the key to having successful lessons is to create a safe learning environment first (both physically & psychologically).

faithful companion

My brother is away for 2 weeks. So, I've been using his car for the time being.

I'm not sure how old the car is but its steering wheel handle is peeling, the speed gauge is erratic, the driver's window will not close properly and the sensor is faulty.

All these concerns have been relayed to my brother but he just brushed them off. He has learnt to accept/embrace his car's eccentricities it seems.

When told of the speed gauge, he just gave it a whack and said, "Dia kena ketuk sikit", and sure enough, the then idle needle started to move.

He bypassed the window problem by having a Smart Tag (though he is still having problems when he has to collect/produce parking tickets).

And he just laughed off the sensor's constant beeping (it'll always beep when the car is in reverse gear even though there's no object obstructing the car).

We were always puzzled by Abafan's reluctance to buy a new car. He can afford it but he just doesn't want to.

The situation reminds me of Mma Ramotswe's attachment to her van. The passages below are taken from the book 'In The Company of Cheerful Ladies' by Alexander McCall Smith.

In Mma Ramotswe's case, her attachment to the tiny white van was more emotional than financial in origin. She had bought the tiny white van when she first came to live in Gaborone and it had served her loyally since that day. It was not a fast vehicle, nor a particularly comfortable one...And the engine had a tendency to go out of tune very shortly after Mr J. L. B. Matekoni had attended to it, which meant that the tiny white van would splutter and jerk from time to time. In Mma Ramotswe's view, though, these were small matters: as long as the tiny white van was capable of getting her around, and as long as it did not break down too often, she proposed holding on to it. She thought it as her friend, a staunch ally in this world, an ally to whom she owed a strong debt of loyalty.

After the van broke down in the middle of the night, when Mma Ramotswe was in the middle of nowhere, her husband subtly suggested to her to replace the van with a new one. She pondered on the suggestion and replied:

"I have had that van for a long time...I am very fond of it. They do not make vans like that anymore"

Mr J. L. B. Matekoni looked at her, and was suddenly filled with a great sense of pride. There were women who would be only too eager to get hold of a new van or car and who would willingly scrap a faithful vehicle for the sake of something flashier and smarter. It made him feel proud to know that Mma Ramotswe was not like that. Such a woman would never want to trade in an old and useless husband for a newer, smarter man. That was very reassuring.

I just love Alexander McCall Smith's novels because of passages like these. They are simple yet deceptively profound aren't they?

I agree with Craig Brown's review that "His novels are also extremely funny: I find it impossible to think about them without smiling"

Flea, from the Red Hot Chili Peppers even said that, "There are some great books that this guy called Alexander McCall Smith put out that take place in Botswana. They are really fun to read and make you feel like human beings can really have worthwhile lives. The first one is called 'The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency'. I highly recommend them if you like to be happy"

The conclusions?:
1) Read the books!
2) Be on the lookout for someone who's loyal to their automobile!

APRIL

Ainur used to send me "TGIF" SMSes every week. She stopped doing that some time ago. I asked her why and she replied:

"Wslm. Haha. Syada, u noticed. I stopped my TGIF msges sbb sy dh bnyk kali trtpu. U can't say tgif whn u hv 2 come 2 school on strdays. dh 5 cnsecutive sabtu dh kne pg skolah. dpressed sy. Rs mcm x de life. Syada, awk free x strdays? is ur school suckng the life out of u too? "

oh YES!!
Until this Labour-Day weekend, I haven't had a "proper" weekend since the mid-semester1 break in March. April has been a punishing month. I've had to bring students to three competitions which are held consecutively. They are:
1) The 9th Interschool Debating Championship (Apr16-21)
2) Kejohanan Tenis MSSD Gombak (Apr19-23)
3) Tan Sri Datuk Paduka Hajjah Saleha Debate Cup (Apr23 & 24)

Though I got to skip school for 6 days, I didn't get to goyang kaki since attending these competitions meant my working hours were extended. So, to friends who sensed my incommitment, or felt that I was becoming more distant, I'm truly sorry. I was just in a very bad place :(

(Tasha, I knew exactly what you feel)

My school did quite well in the IDC (the team was made up of Aiman, Dakshan, Amal & Komal). We qualified for the Double-Octo Finals and was ranked number 21 out of the 80 participating schools. On the first day of competition, we won 1 and lost 1. But on the second day, we won all 3 rounds!! It was unbelievable. After the last debate for the day, Pn. Safrina & I had wanted to drive the students back to their accommodation, but they wanted to join us for dinner.

Faris, their senior who went to give them moral support, also guilted us into bringing him along by saying, "Takpe, saya boleh makan maggi je kat rumah..."

Seriously, these people are emotional-extortionists!

So, the 7 of us went out to eat at Taman Melati. The students were so deliriously happy with their wins that they were acting very hyper. Kak Saf jokingly distanced herself from the crowd and declared, "I don't know these people". They retaliated by greeting her loudly, "HAI CIKGU SAFRINA!!".

That night, Man. City was up against Man. Utd at home. So, the eatery was crowded by supporters by both sides. Whenever the supporters groaned/cheered/clapped, the students would make similar noises though none of us was watching the game. It was a very fun albeit crazy outing with the students.

After the IDC high, we went crashing down in the HELP Debate. All 4 students that we sent were new to debating and we haven't had the time to train them/oversee their preparation.

They lost 3 out of the 4 preliminary rounds. I felt so bad about neglecting them and apologised for "throwing them into the deep end of the ocean". Chua corrected me, "Teacher, it's not just any ocean, it's the Pacific!".

After each loss, Pn. Safrina and I had a long talk, dissecting our mistakes and thinking of how we could've won. We came to the conclusion of the necessity of hiring a trainer. Tapi nak cari di mana ye??

The students were demoralized after the first day. There were even talks of forfeiting the remaining rounds. But they persevered and did a much better job on the second day. We won our last round and I'm just proud of them for not quitting even though that was an easy way out.

After all the competitions were over, it's time to enter the classrooms again.

My students somehow seemed a lot nicer. Was I imagining it?

For instance, when I wanted to go to my next class or to the staff room my 3A boys would offer to help me carry my things. If I happen to hold 3 things, then 3 students will "escort" me to my destination, each carrying an item. Tak berat pun but they insisted on carrying them for me. I felt like being waited on hand and foot.

But that's the nature of students: they gave you joy and heartache in turns.

Since returning, I've also heard many complaints about my 3I students. The other teachers complained that they didn't do their work, didn't bring their textbooks, the boys and the girls mix too freely, etc.

I don't doubt that these claims are true but what am I to do? This is one of the parts of teaching I haven't got the hang of; to instill good values in students, to nahi mungkar and to nag dgn berhikmah.

So about the only thing that I can do when other teachers complain is to look grieved and say, "Diaorg tu memang macam tu..." (in a regretful tone and while shaking my head).

Being a class teacher makes you feel like a mum of 40 (unmanageable) teenagers *sigh*

Why Do You Teach?

I first read the article last year. It was included in the Form 5 July Test. I put it away somewhere to reread it and only came across it again recently.

It's written by Peter G. Beidler and my favourite paragraph is this:
"Certainly I don't teach because teaching is easy for me.Teaching is the most difficult among the various ways I have attempted to earn my living... For me, teaching is a red-eye, sweaty-palm, sinking-stomach profession. Red-eye, because I never feel ready to teach, no matter how late I stay up preparing the night before. Sweaty-palm, because I am always nervous before I walk into that classroom, sure that I will be found out for the fool that I am. Sinking-stomach, because I walk out of the classroom an hour later convinced that I was even more boring than usual."

True isn't it?
When a lesson goes well, you feel on top of the world. But when it doesn't, it's thoroughly soul destroying. You then ask yourself: Why do you choose to become a teacher? You are horrible at it!

Why am I still a teacher then?? (Apart from being bound by contract) the rest of the article seems to partially answer that question for me.

Hectic

This past week has been very hectic. On top of marking the students' March Test papers, I had to settle 2 major things: registering my students for the district-level tennis competition and the upcoming HELP debate.

The former was particularly time-consuming. There are so many forms to fill in; MO1, MO2, Borang Pendaftaran Mengikut Kategori, Nota Minta, parents' consent forms, etc. The huge paperwork made me feel like buying a shredding machine and turning all those forms into confetti.

I have so many things to settle that my desk is littered with post-it notes. So much so that the teacher next to me jokingly asked, "Dah habis tampal dah tu?"

It's true what Dayah has said; When you're burdened with too many tasks, the quality of your work deteriorates. You end up doing things in a touch-and-go manner. Which aptly describes the quality of my work nowadays :(

I thought I had reached breaking point last Friday, when I reached home at 6pm. I had to endure a 1-hour traffic jam in a journey which normally takes around 15 minutes. It was raining heavily and, feeling wet and utterly miserable, I felt like quitting my job and becoming something, anything else.

But alhamdulillah, after having a home-cooked dinner prepared lovingly by Mom, after eating chocolate-flavoured ice cream straight from the tub with my sister, and after getting sufficient sleep, I woke up to a beautiful Saturday morning :)

Though I had to work on a Saturday from 8am to 6pm, I was in a good mood (those who think that teaching is a half-day job are gravely mistaken). Seeing my students benefiting from the debating workshop we attended made it all worthwhile.

I was reminded of 2 quotes:
1) "Orang yang hidup untuk dirinya sendiri akan hidup seperti orang yang kerdil dan mati sebagai seorang yang kerdil. Tetapi orang yang hidup bagi orang lain akan hidup sebagai orang yang 'besar' dan mati sebagai orang yang besar juga" -Syed Qutb-

2) "Apabila kamu merasa letih kerana berbuat kebaikan maka sesungguhnya keletihan itu akan hilang dan kebaikan itu akan kekal. Dan sekiranya kamu berseronok dengan dosa maka sesungguhnya keseronokan itu akan hilang dan dosa itu akan kekal" -Saidina Ali bin Abi Talib-

Maybe I should write down these quotes and add them to my post-it notes collection...

Hands of Honour

'Hands of Honour' is one the the activities we did during the English Camp. I thought I would try it out with my 3Q students as a pre-writing task.

They were supposed to write 'What I Am Passionate About'. What I really want was for them to write about what they absolutely love. I do not want them to merely write about their hobbies.

The 'Hands of Honour' works like this: Students trace their palms on a piece of A4 paper. They then write down 5 things that are synonymous with them.

I gave them a simple exercise on synonyms first (casual=informal, incorrect=wrong, etc) before asking them to write the 5 most significant things about themselves.

To further clarify the task, I gave a few examples:

"Contohnya, bila saya tengok Arif je, saya teringat silat; kalau Azfar, rubix cube; kalau Fahmi pulak, tenis."

(Yes, I codeswitch in class!)

Pretty soon the rest of the class wanted me to do/"read" them/their friends.
"Kalau saya pulak Cikgu?"
"Teacher, buat Adam pulak"...

Eventually, they settled down and began writing. Then, they had to swap their paper with a friend's and proceed to write 5 things about that friend.

Only after that do they start writing the actual essay. Yes, the pre-writing task was too long and it seemed to go on forever but I need to get my students excited about the topic first as they are chronically allergic to writing essays.

At the end of the lesson, the students handed in their essay and their "palms". I had fun reading the 5 things they had written about themselves and their friends.

These are among the ones that made me laugh out loud:

1) "If fight learning, lots man have falls". Confused? Fret not, a Malay translation was provided next to it: "Kalau lawan belajar, ramai yang kalah".

2) "Look kind, his heart still in investigation" = Nampak je baik, hati tu tak tau lagi"

And this one made me raise my eyebrows in serious doubt:

"Never misses 'Indahnya Iman' on Astro Oasis"

Then, I came across this:
Somebody had done the 5 things for me. I asked 3Q the next day and the mystery author turned out to be Mas Dayana.

So, thanks Mas, you had made my day! :)