Convoluted

I once wrote 'convoluted!!' on a student's essay. Several weeks later, on another test, the student produced a much better piece of writing. I commended him on the improvement.

"So my writing's no longer convoluted Teacher?" he asked.
I laughed, "I can't believe you still remember that word!"
"Of course I remember it. It's a very hurtful word Teacher!" he replied.

X X X

The whole thing reminded me of Taylor Mali's poem:

"I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional Medal of Honor and an A- feel like a slap in the face"

How true.

Students from the end classes (who are used to getting Fs) feel so proud when they (barely) pass while students from the front classes look so indignant when they receive anything less than an A.

But different people react differently to the proverbial slap in the face. Some are motivated to do better and ask how they can improve while some look so cross and feel that they are hard done by.

X X X

Just before the school holidays, I experienced the latter reaction.

I didn't handle it well; I wasn't able to reason things out and as a result, both parties felt utterly miserable.

I was sad. Incredibly sad for 2-3 days. It seemed like such a small matter; and really, I should have thicker skin... but I felt sad and a bit affronted that my professional judgement was questioned.

It seemed like, to them, it didn't matter that I had a college education, that I've been teaching for 4 years, that I've marked hundreds of essays --- I was wrong and they were right.

So after mulling over it for days, I came to the conclusion that we all need to have more humility.

For my part, I have to admit that I'm not 100% consistent and impartial (though I try to be). So there's a possibility that I was being overly harsh on them.

Further, maybe I didn't put across my feedback/criticism as diplomatically as I could have. Maybe the criticisms were more destructive than constructive. Maybe my feedback should be more like Paula Abdul's and less like Simon Cowell's.

And though I've taught for some years and have marked countless essays, I still have much to learn. It was arrogant of me to assume: "I know better".

For the students' part, I want them to know that high expectations lead to high performance.

Yes, they're good but not that good. They can do BETTER.

Moreover, they shouldn't compare themselves with those of lower proficiency. In this increasingly borderless and more competitive world, their standards should be higher.

X X X

So, the next time we are slapped in the face (figuratively of course!), let us take a step back and assess the situation with some HUMILITY.

3I & 3H

Years ago, a sister of mine often talked about her favourite lecturer, Mr. K.

Mr. K had such a strong command of his subject that he would only bring one marker pen to his lectures. He didn't need to refer to any books to aid him in explaining theories, answering students' queries, solving tricky questions, etc. Now, that's what I call mastery of content knowledge.

In contrast, I remember my first year of teaching, where I would go to classes armed with textbooks, grammar workbooks, the dictionary, handouts of filler activities, etc.

I felt that I needed to equip myself with all kinds of materials to cope with any possibilities that might arise.

I often second-guessed myself too. I couldn't stick to one lesson plan. Whenever I came up with one, I would poke holes into it:

"It's not interesting enough!"

"It's not challenging enough!"

"You're going to bore your students to death!"

So in the end, I often stood in front of the class, armed with STUFF, but having absolutely no clue of what to do.

I think, in this respect, teachers are like homemakers; teachers worry themselves sick about lesson plans as homemakers do about what they should cook for dinner.

Homemakers do not only want to put dinner on the table, they want the food to be delicious, nutritious, special and prepared with lots of love.

Similarly, teacher do not just want to enter the classroom and say "turn to page so-and-so and do the exercises". They want the lesson to be interesting, challenging, inspiring and pitched at the right level.

Sadly, our efforts went unnoticed and unappreciated most of the time. Kids are glued to their computers when they're called to dinner and not all students would do the work assigned to them in class.

X X X

In 2012, I achieved a breakthrough of sorts. I was beginning to figure out and be comfortable with my teaching style. Of course it needed further refinement but the foundation was set and I was gaining confidence day by day. I even noticed that I had begun to march to class with a little bit of swagger. Haha.

[So for struggling beginning teachers out there; take heart. You'll get there eventually!]

However, at the end of March, when I was assigned 5N, some of that confidence dissipated away. Remember what I said about not having a clean slate?

Well, when I first entered 5N, I felt like I was transported back in time when I was still that hapless teacher. My swagger was crippled and whenever I was heading to Block E, I would break out in cold sweat instead.

But things worked out in the end. I just had to learn to trust my abilities and believe that I have valuable things to impart.

I love the quotation below taken from the book See Me After Class by Roxanna Elden (which I strongly recommend to all fellow teachers):

"On a bad day, I remind myself that when I look back on my own experience as a student, I don't remember specific lesson plans. In the end, we remember teachers, but the individual days  fade into the background. Forgive yourself for those rough days and bad lessons, and keep trying - because that's what the kids will remember"

X X X

I planned to talk about my Form 3 classes in this entry but ended up writing the above paragraphs instead. 

So, let me start over:

The Form 3 students that I taught this year are quite weak in English (with a few exceptions). Marking their essays was a torturous experience and it was a struggle to get them to do any work in class.

3 Intelek was the noisiest class I had this year. They were also the funniest. The naughtiest boys in that class also happened to be the friendliest ones when I met them outside.

They would smile and greet me enthusiastically whenever we crossed paths, oblivious to the fact that they drove me nuts in class!

3 Harmoni boys were roughly the same. So to preserve my sanity, I just concentrated on the conscientious learners (read: the girls) in class. 

An incident that involved 3H that I'll never forget was when they had to fill in a form evaluating me. I wasn't supposed to administer the evaluation myself but the teacher-in-charge was facing a looming dateline, so he told me to get 5 students from the class to assess me.

Let's disregard the invalidity of the exercise for a moment.

When I read the criteria they were supposed to assess me on, my heart sank. The criteria were:

1. Menepati masa (Punctuality)
2. Berpakaian kemas dan sesuai (Appropriately-dressed)
3. Mengajar dengan suara yang jelas (Has a clear voice)
4. Menggunakan bahasa yang mudah difahami (Uses comprehensible language)
5. Sentiasa membimbing murid memahami pelajaran (Guides the students to understand the lesson)
6. Ada menggunakan alat bantu mengajar (Uses teaching aids)
7. Menyemak dan mengembalikan buku latihan murid (Checks & returns the students' work)
8. Mengawasi disiplin murid dalam kelas dengan baik (Has good classroom management)
9. Mengambil berat tentang kehadiran murid di dalam bilik darjah (Is particular about attendance)
10. Sentiasa memberi peluang kepada murid untuk bertanya (Gives students the opportunity to ask questions)
11. Mementingkan keceriaan bilik darjah (Emphasises classroom cleanliness)

Half of the criteria listed weren't really my strong points. If they had included things such as: 'Has good rapport with students' or 'Exhibits empathy', I might stand a chance of scoring better.

But surprisingly, when I collected the forms, all of them gave me mostly threes or fours (the instrument uses a 4-point Likert scale).

I knew that I didn't deserve the marks given but was deeply touched that the students liked me enough to overlook my faults. :')

I'm reminded of this quote: "Your students will not remember what you taught them... but they will remember forever the way you made them feel.”

So, teach your students and love them!

5 Nekad

Today I had a workshop with 5 Nekad & 5 Waja. What was supposed to be simple exam practice, turned out to be something quite different.

Teaching the front classes is akin to facing a firing squad. While they were working on the SBP Trial papers, they shot me questions relentlessly.

"Teacher, what does 'interval' mean?"

Other words that they asked me to define were:

kept vigil
vigilante
sodomy (!)
prosthesis vs. prosthetic
riddle with shrapnel
makeshift

Half of the words were from the text they were working on. The other half? God knows where they came from.

It felt like being in a bad reality show (So you think can teach English?), where failing to answer the questions would result in being named and shamed as an incompetent English Teacher.

You know, it's one thing to know a word, it's quite another to try to EXPLAIN it to others. And contrary to popular belief, English teachers are not walking dictionaries (or at least not me).

But to refer to an actual dictionary to answer their queries would have been to lose face. So I employed one of the 3 strategies below:

1. Find a synonym (e.g. interval = intermission)
2. Find a Malay equivalent
3. Use the word in a sentence

Only after I had given it my best shot, would I surreptitiously refer to the Merriam-Webster app on my phone to check the accuracy of my answers.

But there came a time where I had to surrender and admit: "I have no idea".

At the end of the workshop, Yan Jhong asked me what the phrase "Caesar's wife must be above suspicion" meant.

I'd never heard of the idiom before so there's only 1 thing I could do then: I googled it.

X X X

The above narrative was just one of the many memorable moments I shared with 5 Nekad.

I took over the class at the end of March this year when Pn. Mohana was transferred to another school. I wasn't too thrilled about it at first. My plate was already full, yet I have to be a class teacher too??

Plus, I had taught some of them before. I was a hapless newbie then. I made a lot of mistakes. That's why I prefer to have new students every year so that I can start off on a clean slate.

But teaching 5 Nekad was the opposite of having a brand new slate. This slate was not only old, it's also cracked and worn.

But Allah is the Best of Planners. After spending so much time and effort in keeping their affairs in order (taking their daily attendance, writing them testimonials, meeting their parents, tracking their academic performance, etc), I cannot help but be emotionally-invested in them.

I guess I've grown very fond of them. They are funny and they make me laugh all the time. They make absurd remarks. They have curious minds. They question and challenge new information which lead us to have stimulating discussions.

I know that I'll miss them dearly. I'm never sentimental when I'm in front of them but if they happen to read this, I want them to know that being their class teacher has been one of my main highlights of the year.

They also taught me that having a used and cracked slate isn't so bad after all, provided that you work hard at mending it.

Hockey

The end of the 2012 school term is drawing nearer, which makes me feel more introspective than usual. I plan to write about the classes that I teach and some of my best memories of the year.

I'm going to start with hockey. I've written about it previously but this entry has to do with a special training session that we had with a national player; Izzat Rahim.

Izzat Rahim was not only part of the Malaysian contingent to the Road-to-London tournament, he also happens to be Cikgu Safrina's kid brother.

My students were so excited when he came on Apr 21. I was excited too because we would finally have a proper session after weeks of aimless and structure-less training.

After the session, the boys took pictures with him and asked him to autograph their shirts/shoes/hockey sticks. It made me happy to see my students happy :)

The next day, a student (who was more into football than hockey) asked me; "Teacher ajakla pemain bola Malaysia datang" (!)

I was flattered that he thought my social network was so far-reaching (it was a gross overestimation). But no, sadly, I don't have K. Rajagopal nor Ong Kim Swee on my speed dials.

X X X

It's tough to be in charge of something that you haven't a clue of. But teachers are asked to do so all the time. So if you happen to be good at something; be it hockey, debate, choir, choral speaking, drama, chess, zapin, photography, painting, whatever, do consider coaching students in a school nearby.

You'll discover that mentoring young minds is immensely satisfying. As William Butler Yeats said; "Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire". You just need to light that fire in them, nudge them into a certain direction, and watch them do wonders.

Of Backbiting

We've all come across people whom we just cannot get along with; People who are too domineering to the point that they act like bullies; People whose aura is thick with negativity; People who do not play nice with others; whose harsh words wound us and may even have made us cry.

What do we do when we come across such people? We can try distancing ourselves but what if we have to work in close proximity to them? How should we react when we become victims to their tirades or tyrannical acts?

X X X

It happened to me and I did something that I was not proud of: I backbit.

At first, it was just to mengadu to a trusted friend ("I had a horrible day. You know what happened to me?...") but the conversation naturally evolved into a full-fledged backbiting session.

All that person's past mistakes were excavated, dusted off and put under the microscope so that after thorough analyses, it could be proven, beyond reasonable doubt that: "Yes, that person is horrible. Everyone knows it".

X X X

The thing is this method of coping provides only temporary "relief". It's not even real relief because we feel lousy about ourselves for stooping to their level.

Plus, we can never justify our backbiting by saying we are merely stating facts because the Prophet (pbuh) taught us that: "If what you say about your brother is true, you are guilty of backbiting, but if what you say concerning him is not true, you are guilty of slandering him." [Reported by Muslim]

Further, we can never be fair when we backbite. We either:
1) exaggerate our injuries to gain more sympathy and to vilify our aggressors. OR
2) we understate our injuries in order to appear martyr-like. However if our listeners fail to comprehend the gravity of the situation, we change tack and resort to tactic#1.

We just can't win. We just damage our characters instead.

X X X

So how do we vent our frustrations then?

We complain to Allah.
It sounds so cliche but it's true. Allah alone knows our troubles. He's closer to us than our jugular veins. We need not exaggerate nor understate our cases before Him because He knows our predicaments EXACTLY. Thus, complaining to Him will give us the greatest solace.

It's hard to be patient when we were hard done-by. But resist the temptations to backbite "for Allah is with those who patiently persevere"

A Celebration of Mercy

Lately, my news feed has been inundated by responses to the infamous film, 'Innocence of Muslims'. Public figures, organizations and individuals have been working on overdrive posting statuses, videos, articles, commentaries, etc as a response to it.

Unsurprisingly, this whole episode has bewildered the onlookers. The non-Muslims are asking themselves why are we getting so worked up? Why is this thing blown way out of proportion? Why can't the Muslims just get over it?

Personally, I haven't watched the film and am not planning to. Ever.

But the reason I keep on sharing others' responses is because I found them to be inspiring. Ironic isn't it? A film that's supposed to defame the Prophet (pbuh) has actually opened the floodgates to responses celebrating and honouring him.

It's exactly like what Br. Nouman Ali Khan said;
"They can't hurt the Prophet. They can't take away his honour; It was given from the sky. It was given from Allah. Nothing on earth can take it away. No article, no cartoon, no film, no speaker, no hate speech, no form of "art" is going to take away the dignity of our Prophet (pbuh)."

Reading and viewing the positive responses have made me love him more. These are some of my favourites:

1) Hadith of the Day Status:

I know a man who lost his parents but refused to be called an orphan. He was man enough to love a strong woman years older than him, worked for her and made her stronger, opened his heart to her, shared his fears to no one but her. He was romantic and was faithful to her till her last breath. Cleaned after himself and sewed his own clothes. He was good looking, courageous and fearless. He never judged anyone on their pasts or looks, and was moderate, open minded and tolerant. His neighbor was Jewish and his cousin-in- law was a Christian priest. Beaten and exiled when he was helpless, he was merciful when he became stronger. Intelligent, wise and a hard worker, he built a long lasting nation out of nothing in the last 20 years of his life. He had no parents, but loved his daughters and grandchildren. His last will was "Be good to women". This man was a mercy for all mankind, this is my Prophet Muhammad Peace be Upon Him

2) Boona Mohammed's status: "They insult our Prophet with the things that they say but we insult our Prophet by not following his way"

3) Br. Phil's video:



4) Kamal Saleh's video:



If you took the time to view the videos, you'd get a glimpse (just a glimpse) of how great of a man the Prophet (pbuh) was. How beautiful his teachings are. He truly was sent as a mercy to the 'Alamin. To quote Br. Phil; "Why you don't all just LOVE him, to me, it's a mystery".

Post-Ramadan

Eid Mubarak everyone!

Now that Ramadan is over, it's a good time to reflect on what we have done and how to navigate the times ahead.

Ramadan typically provides the stage for our finest moments as Muslims. Sadly, this wasn't the case for me this year as I was too distracted by the Olympics.

I read an article recently about how the coverage of the Olympics was designed to be addictive. It can even make you engross with seemingly "boring" sports like archery and road race (cycling).

"[The crew] prepared hours before the event. They checked out the stadium for the best camera spots... to capture that iconic shot that would convey peak action, tears and cheers, power and intensity."

As a consequence, we viewers were riveted to the screens; watching shots of the beautiful venues, close-ups of the athletes' facial expressions, replays of crucial points and the commentators' sound knowledge of the games.

So yeah, I was sucked right into the hype, kind of like the blokes in the video below. Haha.



Only when the London Games finally ended did I realise how much time I'd wasted - time that could have been better spent in light of Ramadan. Like all other amusements, all that euphoria proved to be fleeting and I was left only with regrets.

So, on the second day of Eid, feeling spiritually starved (but physically full from all the rendangs), I perused Quran Weekly's page and came across this video:



I highly recommend it to everyone. The lecture focuses on verse 186 of Surah Al-Baqarah:

"[Prophet], if My servants ask you about Me, I am near. I respond to those who call Me, so let them respond to me, and believe in me, so that they may be guided."

The above translation in itself is beautiful but the lecture gives you a better understanding of the verse, by explaining its connotations that are lost on us, non-Arabic speakers.

Now when I read the verse, I am reminded that Allah knows my troubles specifically and will respond to my invocations. I just need to keep the faith.

Do watch and share the video!

Fighting well

Malaysians' hearts were collectively broken when Lin Dan made good his first match-point opportunity.

We had waited so long for the country's first ever gold medal and Lee Chong Wei had to (unfairly) carry that burden alone as there were no other genuine contenders that could possibly deliver.

When LCW won his semifinal match against Chen Long, the whole nation was whipped into frenzy. Malaysians were breathless with anticipation; could this be it? Will our wait finally be over?

Businesses started promising Malaysians tantalising treats - from free ice-cream to Nasi Kandar - if LCW won that elusive medal.

But alas, Lin Dan dashed our dreams and left us Baskin-Robbin-less

Despite the agonising loss, LCW is still a national hero for he fought valiantly. And his feat (finally) puts Malaysia in the medal tally. Dzof Azmi's piece in today's paper was spot-on in which he quoted Pierre de Coubertin: "The essential thing in life is not conquering but fighting well".

Following the Olympic news, I was drawn to one recurring theme: These Olympians had to overcome great odds to get to where they are today. As Mo Farah puts it; "[Success] doesn't just come overnight, you've got to train for it and believe in yourself".

Everybody loves a winner but before public victory and adulation are achieved, a great private battle has to be waged alone.

These Olympians had to struggle and slog for years before their hard work bore any fruit. They also had to pick themselves up after every setback and vanquish any (personal or public) doubts that may arise.

This lesson is applicable to everyone isn't it? Excellence is by design, not accident and perseverance is key.

This maxim holds true for success in this world as well as the Hereafter.

It's a good time to ask ourselves; have we been doing enough?

Ramadan 1433

In the days before Ramadan, I was in a state of physical exhaustion and spiritual lethargy. I was completely unproductive and was distracted by a lot of things.

Ramadan is said to be a period when we recharge our Iman, but I was already running on fumes a week before reaching the fuel station.

I hadn't made much preparation for this year's Ramadan. So when it arrived, it sort of caught me off guard; I haven't written down my resolutions, haven't figured out my daily routine, etc.

But Allah has mercy on us even when we do not have mercy on ourselves.

Even when we self-destruct and make things complicated for ourselves, He is there to give us yet another chance :')

On the first night of Ramadan, I found myself in Masjid Wilayah (due to unforeseen circumstances). Listening to the beautiful recitation of the Quran, I grew conscious of how, despite my transgressions, Allah showers innumerable blessings on me.

And one of the biggest blessings is that I get to make the most out of this blessed month again.

I always thought of Ramadan as the bonus mode in Digger. I don't think many are familiar with the game but my siblings and I were addicted to it when we were kids. This was before PlayStation, Nintendo and Xbox came along.

In the bonus mode, you get a free reign to achieve your purpose because the "monsters" run away from you rather than towards you for 15 seconds.

Similarly, Ramadan affords you a chance to better yourselves in 30 days with minimal interference.

So, will we grab that chance or let it pass us by?

Like a friend of mine wrote; the only thing that stands between you and “a better you” is: YOU!

Having said that, please go easy on yourself if/when you slip up. Don't mentally abuse yourself; acknowledge that human beings aren't perfect. Thus, nobody can be infallible throughout the entire month. So just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again :)
That's one of the things I learnt from the lecture below:



May Allah be pleased with our endeavours and may we be stronger and better Muslims by the end of the fasting month. Ameen...

What Teachers Make

In the previous post, a student of mine gave me a link to the video below. I loved it so much that I thought I'd share it here:



 The whole poem can be found at taylormali.com but my favourite bits are these:

You want to know what I make?
-I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
-I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional Medal of Honor
and an A­‐ feel like a slap in the face.
-I make parents see their children for who they are
and what they can be.

You want to know what I make?
-I make kids wonder.
-I make them question.
-I make them criticize.
-I make them apologize and mean it.
-I make them write.
-I make them read, read, read.

Here, let me break it down for you, so you know what I say is true:
Teachers make a goddamn DIFFERENCE! Now what about you?