Of Backbiting

We've all come across people whom we just cannot get along with; People who are too domineering to the point that they act like bullies; People whose aura is thick with negativity; People who do not play nice with others; whose harsh words wound us and may even have made us cry.

What do we do when we come across such people? We can try distancing ourselves but what if we have to work in close proximity to them? How should we react when we become victims to their tirades or tyrannical acts?

X X X

It happened to me and I did something that I was not proud of: I backbit.

At first, it was just to mengadu to a trusted friend ("I had a horrible day. You know what happened to me?...") but the conversation naturally evolved into a full-fledged backbiting session.

All that person's past mistakes were excavated, dusted off and put under the microscope so that after thorough analyses, it could be proven, beyond reasonable doubt that: "Yes, that person is horrible. Everyone knows it".

X X X

The thing is this method of coping provides only temporary "relief". It's not even real relief because we feel lousy about ourselves for stooping to their level.

Plus, we can never justify our backbiting by saying we are merely stating facts because the Prophet (pbuh) taught us that: "If what you say about your brother is true, you are guilty of backbiting, but if what you say concerning him is not true, you are guilty of slandering him." [Reported by Muslim]

Further, we can never be fair when we backbite. We either:
1) exaggerate our injuries to gain more sympathy and to vilify our aggressors. OR
2) we understate our injuries in order to appear martyr-like. However if our listeners fail to comprehend the gravity of the situation, we change tack and resort to tactic#1.

We just can't win. We just damage our characters instead.

X X X

So how do we vent our frustrations then?

We complain to Allah.
It sounds so cliche but it's true. Allah alone knows our troubles. He's closer to us than our jugular veins. We need not exaggerate nor understate our cases before Him because He knows our predicaments EXACTLY. Thus, complaining to Him will give us the greatest solace.

It's hard to be patient when we were hard done-by. But resist the temptations to backbite "for Allah is with those who patiently persevere"